Sex & Relationship: Forget The Outdated Relationship Advice0 Comments

By gossipmama
Posted on 29 Sep 2012 at 1:37pm

Forget Grandma’s wisdom – the modern dating scene has evolved and some of the most classic Dating Advice is now obsolete. Check out below what Match.com’s relationship expert Kate Taylor has for you to bring you to up to speed

Wait 3 days to call

In the olden days, boy met girl, boy got girl’s phone number, boy waited three days to ring girl, boy looked mysterious and exotic. But those days have gone. In modern times when all of us carry around smart phones that can call, text, email, social-network, and IM, let alone challenge anyone to a game of online Scrabble at any time, waiting three days to get in touch just makes boy look like he ran out of call credit or like he’s trying too hard to be “cool”.

Really, just get in touch the next day. Within 24 hours. If you don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard then don’t try too hard – just pick up the phone and say something simple like, “I really enjoyed meeting you and I’d love to go out sometime soon. Fancy it?” Don’t agonise over being funny or clever – the more run-of-the-mill you are in early communications, the more confident and experienced you’ll seem, because it’ll look like you ask people out all the time. And that, believe it or not, is sexy. 

Wait 3 dates to get intimate

Fifty years ago, the Pill had only just been invented and it was still the norm for women to wait until at least engagement before they got horizontal with their boyfriend. Time has marched on and these days, some women feel they’re being uncommonly chaste if they wait just until they leave the pub. The three-date rule was therefore invented to bridge the gap – couples were advised to go to bed together on the third date, and not a moment sooner.

Good advice? No. While there are indisputably huge benefits to waiting before going to bed with a partner – you both get to know each other’s true personality and character before you take that next step; you don’t risk becoming chemically attached to each other, because you’re not producing Oxytocin, the “bonding hormone”, that gets released during intercourse; dating without sex keeps things very light and fun – three dates simply isn’t long enough to get to know a person beyond what they like to order for dessert. If you want to wait, better to wait three months. If you don’t want to wait, then still don’t stick to an arbitrary three-date curfew, as it removes all the mystery and excitement – better to ambush them at some unexpected time.

Whether you wait or don’t, it’s how you act afterwards that will dictate how the relationship progresses. If you act the same afterwards, there’s a good chance you’ll stay together. But if you become clingy, needy or moody, things will stall or stop. If you know you become emotionally invested afterwards (and many people do, it’s normal and natural!), then wait.

Make your partner jealous

If your partner seems less attentive towards you, less interested, and is taking you for granted, you should make them jealous, right? Wrong! Just pull back and concentrate on YOUR LIFE for a while.

Anything else will look desperate and needy. For example, if you take your partner to a party and spend the evening chatting-up somebody else, your partner will feel insulted and offended, not attracted. It’ll look obvious and fake. Instead, take your partner to a party and talk to everyone else – be the life and soul, flit around, have fun. Don’t concentrate on your moody mate, throw yourself into enjoying the evening.

Or go to the party with your friends and don’t invite them, wait for them to invite you out somewhere and fit it in along with all the other fun, interesting activities you have planned. That is what attracts people: self-assured, well-rounded people who pursue their own interests, ambitions and goals. If you fear your partner is losing interest in you, lose interest in them for a while and fill up your time with things you love to do. Your partner will either feel the loss of your company and come around again, or they’ll fade away and you’ll be upset but you’ll still have a successful, interesting life to support you.

Girls, play down your accomplishments

It used to be said that women should never try to impress a man with their accomplishments – her “job” was to seem impressed by him. Luckily, this isn’t true today. Recent research by Forbes in the US has shown that men are now more likely than ever before to want a wife with drive and ambition. A long-running study that follows the traits which single Americans want in a spouse revealed earlier this year that “Ambition and industriousness” has risen to enter the top 10 for the first time ever.

It’s still only at number 10 but we can be sure it will continue to rise as more and more males see the benefits of having a clever, successful wife who can share the financial burden of supporting a home and family. So girls, don’t be afraid to shine on your date! If you just got a promotion, tell him about it. If there’s a long-term goal you long to achieve, reveal all. Your perfect partner will be one who is keen to help you reach for your personal stars.

Men, use money to impress a girl

Fellas, if you’ve ever thought that the only way to dazzle the ladies was to flash around some cash, read on – your bank-manager will thank you, as will your partner. For years it’s been generally regarded that women are most attracted to men who can afford to shower them with expensive gifts, jewellery and dinners. But the Lovegeist report – the UK’s biggest annual survey into singletons’ attitudes towards love – has consistently found that “thoughtful gestures” mean far more to women than “extravagant gestures”.

Budget-conscious babes would rather their partner regularly performed sweet, meaningful actions (like getting rid of spiders, remembering to do household jobs she hates, making thoughtful presents, even just really listening to what she says) than buying occasional expensive presents. It’s just one of the ways that Beta males can out-perform Alphas in the romantic world. Women seek partners who will be good providers, but also who are dependable, safe and reliable. Remembering her favourite flowers is perfect – it will earn you far more love than the largest bunch of something she doesn’t like.

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