Sex & Relationship: Women’s Libido Issues1 Comment

By gossipmama
Posted on 07 Jan 2012 at 7:11pm

Some women consult a specialist for their own wellbeing, as they really were enjoying sex before. Others seek help for the good of their relationship, because they want to keep their partner satisfied or simply from fear of losing their partner.

In all cases, it’s worth getting to the source of the problem… diminished libido is not a fatality and can be turned aroud, so get onto it!

Understanding female libido

A woman who enjoyed sex, but has never known orgasm, can see her libido decline or disappear as time goes by. Frustration from repeated “failure”, the impression of not being normal or sexually competent, the irritation of watching a partner’s orgasm without anything in return … All things that can end up making sex a rather unpleasant activity, sometimes even a chore.

Masochism also has its limits and can be at the heart of a woman’s attempts to avoid sex whenever possible. Whether it be her partner’s behaviour, rapid ejaculation for example or her own inability to reach orgasm, the woman no longer wants anything to do with a sexual relationship and finds refuge in masturbation or other occupations such as housework, childcare, TV, sport, or work…

Libido can also be crushed when a woman finds her partner’s sex drive excessive. She’s continually rushed, can’t keep up with this high desire for sex and ends up feeling like a mere sexual object or disheartened by the whole thing. A man who doesn’t respect his partner in both sex life and daily life can provoke a drop in a woman’s desire, as can a man who neglects his appearance and attitude.

Women can be easily put off sex if they’ve never experienced tenderness, gentleness, desire and pleasure, a wide range of emotions that women generally need to function well in a relationship. They may end up believing that the world is divided into two: the pure (non-sexual) and the dirty (sex-crazed men in particular!). These women have trouble imagining what it’s like to live and experience fulfilling and pleasurable moments, so they end up being too tired, having a headache or remembering a last chore to finish instead of having sex.

Getting back on the libido track

Firstly, any treatable disorders need to be seen to, such as hormonal disorders and addictions to medication or toxic substances.

And then of course, relationship issues need to be resolved. A partner who no longer bothers with seduction, where resentment has built up or who doesn’t have the same sexual ambitions definitely won’t help libido. How can you feel desire if you have loads to get off your chest!

Consulting a sexual therapist can help women with advice about reaching orgasm for those who have never done so. A couple shouldn’t panic either when sex drive wanes because of the arrival of young, very time-consuming, children and all those things which lead to feeling overworked, without a moment to think about yourself. Sometimes you just have to wait for things to settle down! All of this can be put into perspective and de-dramtised through professional guidance.

In the meantime, to help settle things down rapidly, you should look at how to reorganise your life, establish new priorities and find time for yourself and your relationship. Invent ways to bring eroticism back into your life (massage, lingerie, dates), reconnect with your own body and your partner, taking time for just the two of you.

Besides those things we cannot change about our bodies, each person holds a large amount of responsibility in building their own sexual pleasure and understanding their own desire, so don’t hesitate to change your ways and find new paths to sexual fulfilment.


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