3 Lessons You Have Learnt From Your Previous Relationships3 Comments

By SassyChic
Posted on 02 Oct 2011 at 6:54pm


When you know you have been burnt by the one you love, Christina Aguilera’s song “Fighter” becomes very personal. Especially when you sing out loud:  “Make me that much stronger, make my skin a little bit thicker, Make so much wiser, thanks for making me a fighter”.

This part it is so powerful and emotional that you even feel like you are personally singing the lyrics to your partner or even perhaps Gloria Gaynor’s “I will survive”. There was an article on why being friends with an ex is a no-no not long ago on sassychic. This, of course is not a continuation of it, but rather on how some romantic relationships tend to have an impact on us when they are ended. These are common issues that almost everybody goes through in relationships. Some of us will probably have to go through many sessions of therapy to recover – that is if you ever recover! Others will probably, as Christina vividly sings, stand on their own feet and move on. T.D Jakes once had a sermon on “untying” ourselves from our past. What he meant by untying yourself from your past relationships is to accept the fact that things did not work as you expected. You should learn from your experience, instead of being hard on yourself. Note that you do not need to be religious to understand the message of his sermon as his messages can be related to life experiences. When a relationship doesn’t work out, just look at it as “testing the waters” relationship. What you should not forget here is that your partner has actually taught you a lot of interesting lessons and you have to look at the bright side of it instead of wondering what you did wrong. In relationships, mistakes are bound to happen. All you have to do is to learn from them. However, refusing to learn from them will actually turn your life upside down, and nobody will be responsible of that. Whatever the case, no experience is a waste of time. Look at the bright side of any experience, move on and expect a different result the next time. Here are a few things you partner taught you:


1. The cheating episode

Without a doubt, everybody has been in this situation. When you are young and in love, you believe that there is no one like the one you have fallen in love with. The passion between the two of you is so strong that you don’t think you can ever live without your partner. Somewhere in your relationship, you are cheated on, you end up forgiving your partner and moving on. Your partner after all is not perfect but human and as the saying goes,” to err is human, to forgive is divine”. However, you discover that your partner has been cheating on you on several occasions. Apart from all the cheating, you think your partner is the best person you have ever been with.

Romance is good, holidays are good and you communicate very well. Many of us will prefer going separate ways when things aren’t working than being cheated on. When cheated on in relationships, we sometimes end up blaming ourselves. Somewhere in the “corner” of our mind we start wondering what was it that was not done right was. Relationship in reality is not as easy as it may seem. Two individual coming together and sharing something common such as love is not as easy as it may seem. Blaming yourself for your partner cheating on you could stagnate you from moving on with your life. It is normal that some people will rather not be in a relationship after being cheated on. Some move on into a new relationship and actually end up cheating on their partner. Instead of burying yourself into disappointments and holding resentments for your ex, think of this experience as a valuable lesson.

The next time you are in a relationship, you will not tolerate cheating and blame yourself for it, as you know very well that you deserve better. Through this experience, some people come to learn some common signs on when a partner is cheating on them. Note that this might also depend on the sort of relationship you have with your partner, and how long you have known each other. However, anybody will agree that a matured relationship is when partners talk about their problems and try to come up with solutions.


2. Moving on after “unfinished business”

A lot of people think that only cheating can lead to a break-up. Please do not be fooled. There are so many reasons why relationships end. Unfinished business in a relationship is when your partner breaks up with you without any explanation. They say what goes on in your inner world reflects to what is going on in your outer world. It is up to your partner to let you know the reason why you had to break-up; perhaps the break up had nothing to do with you. Perhaps your partner was not ready for a commitment. It is therefore better to go separate ways.

However, when there is not much of explanation on why your partner has broken up with you, you tend to have many answered questions. In some cases, this will make you contemplate on reasons which might affect your self-esteem. Tackling this type of situation might be hard. It becomes hard for instance to re-invent your emotions towards a new partner as you might still be in love with your previous partner, who for no reason broke up with you. It is much easier to forget about an ex who treated you badly than the one who treated you with love and respect. You might not understand why, but in time you will realise that this very person actually has done you a favour, especially if you are the type who is not out for “fun”. It might also be that this special person of yours does not share the same feelings like he or she used to. In some cases it is much better for your partner to let go of you.

This actually shows how much your partner cares about you and wants you to have the best in life. Bear in mind that anytime you accept a rejection in your life, you become emotionally strong and stable. Situations like these sometimes help us to understand who we are and what we cherish in our lives. You come to learn that even in uncertain times; you do not allow unexplainable issues to affect your self-esteem. Respect the fact that your partner did not give you any reason for the break-up. Some things are sometimes better left unsaid.


3. The Possessive Partner

As far as anybody is concern, parents for instance will do anything to protect their children. You protect your love ones and friends from getting hurt, but when is a partner protective or possessive? To be possessed is to have control over somebody or something. Possessiveness is a disorder that needs to be dealt with carefully. It is even difficult to deal with in cases where your partner is not even aware of their possessive personality. Possessive Personality Disorder (PPD) according to sources is a pattern where people are possessed with others and things in their lives. This could be towards one person or all other type of relations. This is basically controlling issues, jealousy and self-esteem, fear, insecurity and other emotions issues. This shows off in teenage years (around puberty).


There are many symptoms of a person who is possessive in a relationship. A person with a PPD most of the time wants an exclusive relationship with their partner by controlling and sabotaging other relationship they see as a treat.  They expect you to exclude yourself from people as “you are theirs and nobody else”. This is a sign or fear of losing their partner, insecurities and lower self-esteem as mentioned earlier on. When you are involved with someone who is possessive, you tend to misread the difference between a protective partner and a possessive partner. A person who is protective is caring and mindful. It is possible for a person who is possessive to be physically or verbally abusive towards their partner. Counselling may help a person with this kind of pattern (ending the relationship and cutting contacts with your partner is regarded to be the best solution). It is however up to you to figure out what is happening in your relationship and whether it is inhibiting you.


A romantic relationship depends on how you and your partner define it. There are various reasons why some relationships work out and others don’t. These reasons mentioned above are just a few of what some of us experience in our relationships. Whether good or bad, a lesson is always learnt and it is up to every individual to see how experiences and lessons can be linked together. The choices are always optional. For all its worth, things happen for a reason.


Written & Submitted By: Mabel K. Tettey

Mabel is an aspiring writer with a passion for women’s  issues that has inspired her to write about women and our everyday lives. Mabel is currently studying at Roehampton London University and also indulges in her passion for fashion and photography.

Log on to iamsassychic.com for Mabel’s monthly contributions on all matters, facts and opinions that affect, protect and wow us all as women!




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