How To Support Your Man In A Crisis2 Comments

By SassyChic
Posted on 14 Jun 2011 at 9:21am

 

Supporting your closest friends or female relatives  in a crisis you’ll agree, is alot simpler…all we need is time, empathy a genuine listening ear and of course no judgement. As long as you can give your girlfriends these things your good to go and she will come out a little less stressed. Your man on the other hand is an entirely different story!

When you think about it, it makes sense that supporting your man through a difficult time would be different to the way we relate to our closet female friends or female members of our family. When in your life do you ever really see men wanting to sit down with a cup of tea/hot chocolate/glass of rose and chocolate and go into a moaning marathon for two/three hours? Of course not! But where else are you suppose to learn how best to support a man in an intimate relationship?

Relationship experts Sarah Neish from Psychologies Magazine & Organisational Psychologist Cary Cooper can give you some guidance on how best to support your man through anything, whether it be a serious crisis or a minor issue. Some of the solutions may seem obvious, yet we still nag our men to open up and talk. Here’s the best way to offer your support according to the experts!

  • Don’t Insist They Talk! – If you partner shuts down and becomes withdrawn, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re ignoring the problem. Some people need to withdraw and get some space in order to process what’s happening. It may not appear that way but he is likely giving some thought to what he is going through, so constantly asking ‘what’s wrong’ will not only annoy and bug them, if they aren’t ready to talk it’s also unhelpful.
  • Acknowledge and Accept His Triggers – It’s important to be aware of the key things that put him in a state of crises or low moods. As you would do with yourself, once you know the things that affect your moods, you can then know best how to avoid or deal with the outcome and how you feel. Knowing what causes his stresses will allow you to understand it’s not personal, that way you can concentrate on being empathic and trying to understand what he may be going through.
  • Let Expectations Go – Free your partner from the need to fulfil certain roles within your relationship, for example if  they’re usually your rock, let them know they don’t have to be strong for you now. Showing your roles can be flexible takes some pressure off them.

Here are some specific examples of how the above can help:

  • He’s Missed A Promotion At Work: As I’m sure you know men hate to admit they’ve failed, especially to their girlfriends. Just assure him this doesn’t change the way you feel about him. When he’s ready to talk, ask the right questions to help him put things in perspective. Ask him what losing the promotion really means in relation to his future in the company or his career. Is it time for him to move on or it is a temporary setback and he’s just worried what other people will think? (This is why he needs assurance from you about your feelings, don’t overdo this, be sincere). Asking him the right questions will help him consider other options (this is an every disappointment is a blessing type perspective). Encourage and discuss with him the way forward, would a professional course help to avoid him losing out in the future. The more control he has over his life, the more positive he’s likely to feel.
  • He ‘s Putting On Weight: If  you notice your man is undressing in the dark to hide his love handles you can make him feel sexy again. Firstly don’t draw attention to the issue by giving him nick names and pointing out he could do with loosing a few pounds. If he’s sensitive about it he’ll shut you out and besides, what does pointing out the obvious achieve.  Instead suggest you both shed a few pounds for an upcoming event or big party that’s coming up and talk about realistic ways to shed a few pounds. If you’re a bit of a skinny minnie already and you don’t want to appear patronising by saying you want to also loose weight, you can say it’s about becoming more fit and toning up. If you have charge of your kitchen then it will be easy to make healthier changes for the foods you’ve been eating. Swap the fatty foods for slimming foods, once he sees the changes he’ll feel  better and you won’t have nagged or said much to make it happen. So get your running shoes ready!
  • He Couldn’t Get An Erection: What you firstly need to understand with this crisis is that this happens to men at least once. Psychologists explain that the erection itself is not the problem, don’t focus on this. The real cause are the circumstances that led to it. Does he have serious money worries? Have you had a huge argument? Sexuality is said to be governed by our minds, and he won’t feel up for sex if he’s stressed. Show him understanding, then make him feel sexy. Show him how irresistible he is.
  • Someone Close To Him Has Died: Copper explains  that the grieving process is different for everyone, so giving him space, if he needs it, it important. But there are ways to guide your man through this tricky time. Reminisce about the person who has died rather than forcing him to talk about his loss. Ask him what he misses about them. Those who are grieving often feel guilty about not having done enough for the person who has died. If this sounds like how your man is feeling, be honest and acknowledge this maybe the case but that it would have been it may be that he couldn’t have done more at the time and the person who has lost his life would not have wanted him to put himself under that much pressure.
  • Look After You – Don’t worry that supporting your man is always about your man, you need to make sure you’re watching out for how he’s emotions affect you also. Watching someone you love go through a hard time can take its toll on your own mood. Be mindful of the potential for their low mood to make you feel low also. This is not helpful, don’t feel guilty about feeling happy or feeling ok when your man is feeling low. Staying positive is one of the best things you can do for your relationship!
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  • mother

    nice atricle ….

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  • inchristalone

    on point……..i love it

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